向内者的力量

如今，我们接受的性格类型极其有限。我们被告知，要出众就得有胆识，要快乐就得擅交际。我们自认是个由性格外向者组成的国家——这意味着我们忽视了真实的自我。三分之一到一半的美国人性格内向——换言之，你认识的每两到三个人中就有一个内向者。如果你本人不内向，那你的子女、同事、配偶或伴侣中肯定有一个是内向的。

If these statistics surprise you, that's probably because so many people pretend to be extroverts.Closet introverts pass undetected on playgrounds, in high school locker rooms, and in the corridors of corproate America.Some fool even themselves, until some life event——a layoff, an empty nest, an inheritance that frees them to spend time as they like——jolts them into taking stock of their true natures. You have only to raise this subject with your friends and acquaintances to find that the most unlikely people consider themselves introverts.

如果这些数据让你惊讶，或许是因为太多的人假装外向。在操场上、中学衣物间里以及美国公司的走廊上，隐蔽的内向者不被人所察觉。有些人甚至欺骗了自己，直到某些生活事件——失业、厮守“空巢”、继承一笔能够让他们随意支配时间的遗产——让他们惊醒，开始审视自己真实的一面。只要与朋友和熟人讨论这个主题，你就会发现最不可能是内向的人认为自己是内向者。

It makes sense that so many introverts hide even from themsevles. We live with a value system that I call the Extrovert Ideal—— the omnipresent belief tht the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight. The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk-taking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He favors quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong. She works well in teams and socializes in groups.We like to think that we value individuality, but all too often we admire one type of individual—— the kind who's comfortable \"putting himself out there.\" Sure,we allow technologically gifted loners who launch companies in garages to have any personality they please, but they are the exceptions, not the rule, and our tolerance extends mainly to those wo get fabulously wealthy or hold the promise of doing so.

如此多的内向者甚至对自己隐藏真实的性格是有原因的。我们生活在一个我称之为“外向理想型性格”的价值体系中，即人们普遍认为，理想的性格特点是善于交际，有领袖气质，在众人瞩目的场合收放自如。典型的外向者喜欢行动，而不愿思考，喜欢冒险，而不愿小心谨慎，喜欢肯定，而不愿质疑。他们希望在短时间内作出决定，哪怕冒犯错的风险。他们在团队中善于合作和交际。我们往往认为我们尊重个性，但我们常常只欣赏一种类型的人——能够轻松自如地“表现自我”的人。诚然，我们允许在车库中创办公司的不合群的技术天才拥有他们喜欢的任何性格，但他们只是特例，而不是普遍现象，在大多数情况下，我们只对富甲一方或有可能腰缠万贯的人表现出容忍。

Introversion——along with its cousions sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness——is now a second-class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology.Introverts living under the Extrovert Idal are like women in a a man's world,discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extorversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we've turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform.

内向——及其同义词敏感、严肃和害羞——现在已成为二等性格，介于令人扫兴的特点与病态之间。在“外向理想型性格”价值体系下生活的内向者与生活在男性世界中的女性一样，他们因为性格中的一种核心特点而受到低估。外向是一种非常吸引人的性格类型，但我们已把它变成一种严苛的标准，我们中的大多数人都认为必须遵守这个标准。

The Extrovert Idal has been documented in many studies, though this research has never been grouped under a single name.Talkative people, for example, are rated as smarteer, better-looking, more interesting, and more desirable as friends. Velocity of speech counts as well as volume: we rank fast talkers as more competent and likable than slow ones. Even the word introvet is stigmatized——one informal study,by psychologist Laurie Helgoe, found that introverts described their own physical appearance in vivid language, but when asked to describe generic introverts they drew a bland and distasteful picture.

“外向理想型性格”在许多研究文献中都有论述，但这方面的研究从未被归在统一的名称之下。例如，健谈的人被认为更聪明，外表更出众，更风趣，而且更适合做朋友。说话的语速和音量同样重要：我们认为语速快的人比语速慢的人能力更强，更具亲和力。就连内向这个词也被赋予了贬义——心理学家劳力·海尔戈

开展的一项非正式研究显示，内向者可以用生动的语言描述自己的外表，但在被要求概括对内向者整体的看法时，他们却做出了平淡无味、令人反感的描述。

But we make a grave mistake to embrace the Extrovert Idal so unthinkingly. Some of our greatest ideas, art, and inventions——from the theory of evolution to van Gogh's sunflowers to the personal computer——came from quiet and cerebral people who knew how to tune in to their inner worlds and the treasures to be found there.

然而，我们不假思索地接受“外向理想型性格”，其实是犯了一个严重的错误。我们一些最伟大的思想、艺术作品和发明——从进化论到凡.高的向日葵再到个人电脑——都来自于沉静和理智的人，他们知道如何倾听自己的内心世界，并从中挖掘宝藏。