Mansfield
AND then; after six years; she saw him again. He was seated at one of those little bamboo tables decorated with a Japanese vase of paper daffodils. There was a tall plate of fruit in
front of him; and very carefully; in a way she recognized
immediately as his \"special\" way; he was peeling an orange. He must have felt that shock of recognition in her for he looked up and met her eyes. Incredible He didn't know her She smiled; he frowned. She came towards him. He closed his eyes an instant; but opening them his face lit up as though he had struck a match in a dark room. He laid down the
orange and pushed back his chair;
and she took her little warm hand
out of her muff and gave it to
him.
\"Vera\" he exclaimed. \"How strange. Really; for a moment I didn't know you. Won't you sit down You've had lunch Won't you have some coffee\"
She hesitated; but of course she meant to.
\"Yes; I'd like some coffee.\" And she sat down opposite him. \"You've changed. You've changed very much;\" he said; staring at her with that eager; lighted look. Page 229 \"You look so well. I've never seen you look so well before.\"
\"Really\" She raised her veil and unbuttoned her high fur collar.
\"I don't feel very well. I can't bear this weather; you know.\" \"Ah; no. You hate the cold. . . . \"
\"Loathe it.\" She shuddered. \"And the worst of it is that the older one grows . . . \"
He interrupted her. \"Excuse me;\" and tapped on the table for the waitress. \"Please bring some coffee and cream.\" To her: \"You are sure you won't eat anything Some fruit; perhaps. The fruit here is very good.\" \"No; thanks. Nothing.\" \"Then that's settled.\" And smiling just a hint too broadly he took up the orange again. \"You were saying–the older one grows–\" 莳萝泡菜
凯瑟琳_曼斯菲尔德
打这以后;过了六年;她又遇到了他;他坐在一张小竹桌旁;桌子上摆着盛满纸水仙的花瓶.他正在那里剥着橙子.
既然他抬起了头;与她的视线相遇;他肯定感到了她那种认出他的惊讶.真是莫明其妙他不认识她.她微笑着;他皱着眉头.她向他走过去;他马上闭上了眼睛;但又睁开了;脸上放出光芒;仿佛在漆黑的屋里点燃了一根火柴.
“维拉”他叫喊到;真是没想到;真的;我刚才没认出你来.坐下;喝杯咖啡好吗”
”好吧;来杯咖啡.”她在他的对面坐下.
“你变了;变了许多.”他说道;并用渴望、闪亮的目光注视着她..“你看上去很好;我以前从来没有见过你如此容光焕发..” “真的 ”她撩起面纱;解开她那毛茸茸的高皮领..“其实我并不感到
很舒服;这你是知道的;我受不了这里的天气..
“对了;你讨厌寒冷……
“对;我是讨厌寒冷..”她打了个寒颤..“我最讨厌的是这里滋生着冷酷的人……”
“对不起;”他打断了她;接着他敲着桌子招呼侍者..“请来些咖啡和奶油..” 又对她说：“你真的不吃点东西吗 ”
“不吃;谢谢;什么都不吃..” “那么就要这些吧..”他面带笑容;又继续剥橙子..“你刚才说——滋生着冷酷的人——”
\"The colder;\" she laughed. But she was thinking how well she remembered that trick of his–the trick of interrupting her–and of how it used to exasperate her six years ago. She used to feel then as though he; quite suddenly; in the
middle of what she was saying; put his hand over her lips; turned from her; attended to something different; and then took his hand away; and with just the same slightly too broad smile; gave her his attention again. . . . Now we are ready. That is settled.
\"The colder\" He echoed her words; laughing too. \"Ah; ah. You still say the same things. And there is another thing about you that is not changed Page 230 at all–your beautiful voice–your beautiful way of speaking.\" Now he was very grave; he leaned towards her; and she smelled the warm; stinging scent of the orange peel. \"You have only to say one word and I would know your voice among all other
voices. I don't know what it is–I've often wondered–that makes your voice such
a–haunting memory. . . . Do you remember that first afternoon we spent together at Kew Gardens You were so surprised because I did not know the names of any flowers. I am still just as
ignorant for all your telling me. But whenever it is very fine and warm; and I see some bright colours–it's awfully strange–I hear your voice saying: 'Geranium; marigold; and verbena.' And I feel those three words are all I recall of some forgotten; heavenly language. . . . You remember that afternoon\"
\"Oh; yes; very well.\" She drew a long; soft breath; as though the
paper daffodils between them were almost too sweet to bear. Yet; what had remained in her mind of that particular afternoon was an absurd scene over the tea table. A great many people taking tea in a Chinese pagoda; and he behaving like a maniac about the wasps–waving
them away; flapping at them with his straw hat; serious and infuriated out of all proportion to the occasion. How delighted the sniggering tea
“冷酷的人;”她笑着说..然而;她对以前他所开的玩笑是那么记忆犹新——就是把她惹急了的那个玩笑——就是六年前曾让她恼怒的那个玩笑..
“冷酷的人”他重复着她的话;同样笑了起来..“啊哈;你还提那些事..其实还有一件有关你的事;就
是你那动人的嗓音——至今未变..不知怎么地——我总是在琢磨——是什么使你的声音如此地——萦绕在我的记忆中……你还记得我们在凯屋花园一起度过的第一个下午吗 因为当时我叫不出那些花的名字;你感到很吃惊..你告诉我的那些花名我至今还是不知道..尽管如此;每当天气晴朗;风和日丽;我看到那绚丽多彩的颜色时;耳边便回响起你的声音：天竺花、金盏花、还有美人樱……你还记得那天下午吗 ”
“记得;记得很清楚..”她深深地;轻轻地吸了一口气..然而;留在她记忆中的那个特别的下午却是一个荒唐的景象..许多人在一座中国式的塔里饮茶;而他就像疯子般地轰赶着黄蜂——把它们轰跑;用草帽拍打它们..他既认真又恼火;在那种场合与他的身份极不相称..她当时是多么地难受啊..
drinkers had been. And how she had suffered.
But now; as he spoke; that memory faded. His was the truer. Yes; it had been a wonderful Page 231 afternoon; full of geranium and marigold and verbena; and–warm sunshine. Her thoughts lingered over the last two words as though she sang them.
In the warmth; as it were; another memory unfolded. She saw herself sitting on a lawn. He lay beside her; and suddenly; after a long silence; he rolled over and put his head in her lap. \"I wish;\" he said; in a low; troubled voice; \"I wish that I had taken poison and were about to die–here now\"
At that moment a little girl in a white dress; holding a long;
dripping water lily; dodged from behind a bush; stared at them; and dodged back again. But he did not see. She leaned over him. \"Ah; why do you say that I could not say that.\"
But he gave a kind of soft moan; and taking her hand he held it to his cheek.
\"Because I know I am going to love you too much–far too much. And I shall suffer so terribly; Vera; because you never; never will love me.\"
He was certainly far better
looking now than he had been then. He had lost all that dreamy vagueness and indecision. Now he had the air of a man who has found his place in life; and fills it with a confidence and an assurance which was; to say the
least; impressive. He must have made money; too. His clothes were admirable; and at that moment he pulled a Russian cigarette case out of his pocket.
\"Won't you smoke\"
\"Yes; I will.\" She hovered over them. \"They look very good.\" \"I think they are. I get them made for me by a little man in St. James's Street. I don't smoke very much. I'm not like you–but when I do; they must be delicious; very fresh cigarettes.
现在听着他的描述;记忆渐渐地消失了;他所说的是真的..是的;那是个尽兴的下午;到处是花;而且——阳光明媚..她的思绪在后面这几个字间徘徊..想到那当时的阳光明媚;另一扇记忆的大门被打开了..她仿佛看到自己坐在草坪上;他躺在她
的身边..突然;他翻转过来;头靠在她的膝上..
“我希望;”他用低沉而忧虑的声音说：“ 我多么希望我已经服了毒药;即将死去..就在此时此地..”
她弯下身靠近了他.. “啊;你为什么这么说 ”
他轻柔地悲叹了一声;拿起她的手;贴在他的面颊上..
“因为我知道我非常爱你..为此我会非常痛苦的;维拉;因为你永远;永远都不会爱上我..”
他现在看上去比那时精神多了..从前梦幻般的迷惑和优柔寡断从他身上消失了..取而代之的是生活独立、成熟的气质..他一定也赚了不少钱..他的装束令人赞叹..这时;他从衣袋里掏出一盒俄罗斯香烟.. “抽烟吗 ”
“好吧..”她俯身去看那些香烟..“看上去很不错嘛..”
“我是让圣詹姆斯街的一个矮个子给我搞到的..我吸烟不多;但每当我吸烟时;这些烟是那么清香诱人..对于我来说;吸烟还没有上瘾;而是一种奢侈品——像香水..你还是很偏好香水吗 Smoking isn't a habit with me; it's a
luxury–like perfume. Are you still so fond of perfumes Ah; when I was in Russia . . . \" She broke in: \"You've really been to Russia\"
\"Oh; yes. I was there for over a year. Have you forgotten how we used to talk of going there\" \"No; I've not forgotten.\" He gave a strange half laugh and leaned back in his chair. \"Isn't it curious. I have really carried out all those journeys that we planned. Yes; I have been to all those places that we
talked of; and stayed in them long enough to–as you used to say; 'air oneself' in them. In fact; I have spent the last three years of my life travelling all the time. Spain; Corsica; Siberia; Russia; Egypt. The only country left is China; and I mean to go there; too; when the war is over.\"
As he spoke; so lightly; tapping the end of his cigarette against the ash-tray; she felt the strange beast that had slumbered so long within her bosom stir; stretch itself; yawn; prick up its ears; and suddenly bound to its feet; and fix its longing; hungry stare upon those far away places. But all Page 233 she. said was; smiling gently: \"How I envy you.\"
He accepted that. \"It has been;\" he said; \"very
wonderful–especially Russia. Russia was all that we had imagined; and far; far more. I even spent some days on a river boat on the Volga. Do you remember that boatman's song that you used to play\"
\"Yes.\" It began to play in her mind as she spoke.
\"Do you ever play it now\" \"No; I've no piano.\"
He was amazed at that. \"But what has become of your beautiful piano\"
She made a little grimace. \"Sold. Ages ago.\"
\"But you were so fond of music;\" he wondered.
\"I've no time for it now;\" said she.
He let it go at that. \"That river life;\" he went
啊;当我在俄罗斯的时候…… “你真地去了俄罗斯 ”她打断了他..
“是的;我在那里住了一年多..你还记得我们过去常常提起去俄罗斯吗 ”
“是的;当然记得..”
他奇怪地似笑非笑了一下;然后倚向靠背..
“多么让人感到好奇..我们以前计划要去的地方我却走遍了..事实上;在过去的三年生活中;我一直在到处旅游——西班牙、科西嘉、西伯利亚、俄罗斯、埃及..唯一剩下的国家是中国..我还是打算去那儿;待战争结束后..”
在他说话的时候;他轻轻地;在烟灰缸上弹着香烟头..她现在感到她体内的懒虫在蠢蠢欲动..她伸展着腰身;打着哈欠;竖起了耳朵;而且突
然立起脚尖;双目渴望、贪婪地注视着远方：“我真羡慕你..”她温和地笑着说..
“那简直是;”他说道：令人神怡——尤其是俄罗斯..我曾在伏尔加河的一只船上度过了好几天..你还记得你过去常常弹的那首船夫曲吗 “记得..”就在她说这话时;乐曲已经开始在她的脑海中荡然回旋..“你现在还弹钢琴吗 “不了;钢琴不在了..”
他感到吃惊..“你那架漂亮的钢琴哪去了 ”
她脸上略带苦相..“卖了;几年前就卖了..”
“但是你对音乐是如此地情有独钟..”他漠然地说道..
“我现在没有时间去顾及它了..”她说..
他没有追问下去..“水上的生活;”他继续说;“是很独特的;在船上呆了一两天后;你竟然意
on; \"is something quite special. After a day or two you cannot realize that you have ever known another. And it is not necessary to know the language–the life of the boat creates a bond between you and the people that's more than sufficient. You eat with them; pass the day with them; and in the evening there is that endless singing.\" She shivered; hearing the boatman's song break out again loud and tragic; and seeing the boat floating on the darkening river with melancholy trees on either side. . . . \"Yes; I should like that;\" said she; stroking her muff. Page 234
\"You'd like almost everything about Russian life;\" he said warmly. \"It's so informal; so
impulsive; so free without question. And then the peasants are so splendid. They are such human beings–yes; that is it. Even the man who drives your carriage has–has some real part in what is happening. I remember the evening a party of us; two friends of mine and the wife of one of them; went for a picnic by the Black Sea. We took supper and champagne and ate and drank on the grass. And while we were eating the coachman came up. 'Have a dill pickle;' he said. He wanted to share with us. That seemed to me so right; so–you know what I mean\"
And she seemed at that moment to be sitting on the grass beside the mysteriously Black Sea; black as velvet; and rippling
against the banks in silent; velvet waves. She saw the carriage drawn up to one side of the road; and the little group on the grass; their faces and hands white in the moonlight. She saw the pale dress of the woman
outspread and her folded parasol; lying on the grass like a huge pearl crochet hook. Apart from them; with his supper in a cloth on his knees; sat the coachman. \"Have a dill pickle;\" said he; and although she was not certain what a dill pickle was; she saw the greenish glass jar with a red chili like a parrot's beak glimmering through. She sucked 识不到你还知道有另一种生活..根本没有必要去懂他们的语言-船上的生活使你和人们之间达成一种默契;充满了丰富的内涵..你和他们
吃在一起;一起消磨时间;到了晚上;便是无尽无休的歌声..”
她震颤着;仿佛听到了船夫们的歌曲迸发出来;强烈而又悲怆;仿佛看到船只在漆黑的河面上漂泊着;两岸排列着令人忧郁的树木…… “你一定会喜欢俄罗斯生活的方方
面面;”他热情地说;“那是如此地与众不同;如此地令人振奋;如此地自由自在..农民们也是如此地出色..记得一个晚上;我和几个朋友在黑海边野餐..我们带了晚餐和香槟酒坐在草地上边吃边喝..我们正在吃着时;一个马车夫向我们走来..“来点莳萝泡菜..”他说道..他是想和我们一起分享..这对我来说是非常合适的——你知道他是什么意思吧..”
对我来说是非常合适的——你知道他是什么意思吧..”
此时此刻;她仿佛正坐在神秘的黑海边的草地上;海水黑如天鹅绒一
般;静静地拍打着岸边;泛起涟漪;激起天鹅绒般的波浪..她仿佛看到草地上坐着一群人;月光映衬着他们的脸和手;现出了白色..离他们不远处还坐着马车夫;他膝上放着拿布包着的晚餐..“来点莳萝泡菜..”他说道..虽然她并不清楚什么是莳萝泡菜;但她看到了一个略带绿色的玻璃瓶子;点缀着红色的辣椒;像鹦鹉的嘴..
in her cheeks; the dill pickle was terribly sour. . . . \"Yes; I know perfectly what you mean;\" she said. Page 235 In the pause that followed they looked at each other. In the past when they had looked at each other like that they had felt such a boundless understanding between them that their souls had; as it were; put their arms round each other and dropped
into the same sea; content to be drowned; like mournful lovers. But now; the surprising thing was that it was he who held back. He who said:
\"What a marvellous listener you are. When you look at me with those wild eyes I feel that I could tell you things that I would never breathe to another human being.\"
Was there just a hint of mockery in his voice or was it her fancy She could not be sure.
\"Before I met you;\" he said; \"I had never spoken of myself to anybody. How well I remember one night; the night that I brought you the little Christmas tree; telling you all about my childhood. And of how I was so miserable that I ran away and
lived under a cart in our yard for two days without being discovered. And you listened; and your eyes shone; and I felt that you had even made the little Christmas tree listen too; as in a fairy story.\"
But of that evening she had remembered a little pot of caviare. It had cost seven and sixpence. He could not get over it. Think of it–a tiny jar like that costing seven and sixpence. While she ate it he watched her; delighted and shocked. \"No; really; that is eating money. You could not Page 236 get seven shillings into a little pot that size. Only think
of the profit they must make. . . . \" And he had begun some immensely complicated calculations. . . .
But now good-bye to the caviare. The Christmas tree was on the table; and the little boy lay under the cart with his head pillowed on the
“是的;我完全知道你的意思..”她说..
在停顿的那一刻;他们彼此都在注视着对方..在过去;当他们像这样注视着对方时;他们感受到了彼此的灵魂;仿佛在伸出双臂;拥抱着对方;共同坠入同一片海洋;甘愿被大海所吞没;就像苦恋着的情人..但此刻;他说：你真是位杰出的听众..当你用那双狂热的眼睛看着我时;我感到我要向你倾诉我从不向别人说的那些话..“
他的言谈中带有嘲笑的口气吗 她不敢肯定..
“我清楚地记得那天晚上我给你带去了一棵小圣诞树;并向你讲述了我童年的故事..告诉你我是如何痛
苦以至逃跑出来;在我家院子里的马车底下住了两天;竟没被人发现..你在那里听着;两眼炯炯发光;我仿佛感到那棵小圣诞树在你的感染下也在聆听;就像神话故事里一样.. yard dog.
\"The dog was called Bosun;\" she cried delightedly.
But he did not follow. \"Which dog Had you a dog I don't remember a dog at all.\"
\"No; no. I meant the yard dog when you were a little boy.\" He laughed and snapped the cigarette case to.
\"Was he Do you know I had forgotten that. It seems such ages ago. I cannot believe that it is only six years. After I had recognized you today–I had to take such a leap–I had to take a leap over my whole life to get
back to that time. I was such a kid then.\" He drummed on the table. \"I've often thought how I must have bored you. And now I understand so perfectly why you wrote to me as you did–although at the time that letter nearly finished my life. I found it again the other day; and I couldn't help laughing as I read it. It was so clever–such a true picture of me.\" He glanced up. \"You're not going\"
She had buttoned her collar again and drawn down her veil. \"Yes; I am afraid I must;\" she said; and Page 237 managed a smile. Now she knew that he had been mocking.
\"Ah; no; please;\" he pleaded. \"Don't go just for a moment;\" and he caught up one of her gloves
from the table and clutched at it as if that would hold her. \"I see
但是他的思路没跟上;“哪只狗 你养过狗吗 ”
so few people to talk to nowadays; “不;不..我是指在你孩提时的庭that I have turned into a sort of barbarian;\" he said. \"Have I said something to hurt you\" \"Not a bit;\" she lied. But as she watched him draw her glove through his fingers; gently; gently; her anger really did die down; and besides; at the moment he looked more like himself of six years ago. . . .
\"What I really wanted then;\" he said softly; \"was to be a sort of carpet–to make myself into a sort of carpet for you to walk on so that you need not be hurt by the sharp stones and mud that you hated so. It was nothing more “那只狗叫波森..”她高兴地喊道..
院里的狗..”他笑了;敲打着香烟盒..
“还有只狗吗 我已经忘记了;那是多年前的事了..我真不敢相信那时我仅仅六岁..今天我认出你后——我又迫使自己飞回那个时代..”他鼓点般地轻击着桌面..“我一直在思考我为什么令你讨厌..现在我彻底明白了你为什么给我写那封信——虽然当时那封信几乎断送了我的性命..前几天我又找出了那封信;读着时;我情不自禁地笑了起来..那封信是如此地明智——是我真实的写照..他目光向上望去..”你不是想走吧
她扣上了她的高领;并且放下了面纱
“是的;我必须得走了..“她说道;勉强笑了一下..
“嘿;请不要走;“他乞求道：再呆一会..他从桌子上抓起她的一只手套;紧紧地攥着;好像这样就会挽留住她..“我感到当今很少有人能和我说到一起;我都快变成原始人了..”他说道;“我说了伤害你的话了吗 ”
“一点都没有..”她谎称道..然而;当她看到他手指间紧紧地夹着她的手套;渐渐地;渐渐地;她的气全消了..
“我真正想做的是;”他温柔地说;“想变成一张地毯——任你在上面行走而不会让尖利的石子伤到你;不让讨厌的泥土溅到你..没有比这再私心的了吧..我所期望的是;最终;变成一块魔毯;载着你到你所渴望去的国土..
positive than that–nothing more selfish. Only I did desire; eventually; to turn into a magic
carpet and carry you away to all those lands you longed to see.\" As he spoke she lifted her head as though she drank something; the strange beast in her bosom began to purr . . .
\"I felt that you were more lonely than anybody else in the world;\" he went on; \"and yet; perhaps; that you were the only person in the world who was really; truly alive. Born out of your time;\" he murmured; stroking the glove; \"fated.\"
Ah; God What had she done How had she Page 238 dared to throw away her happiness like this. This was the only man who had ever understood her. Was it too late Could it be too late She was that glove that he held in his fingers. . . .
\"And then the fact that you had no friends and never had made friends with people. How I understood that; for neither had I. Is it just the same now\" \"Yes;\" she breathed. \"Just the same. I am as alone as ever.\" \"So am I;\" he laughed gently; \"just the same.\" Suddenly with a quick gesture he handed her back the glove and scraped his chair on the floor. \"But what seemed to me so mysterious then is perfectly plain to me now. And to you; too; of course. . . . It simply was that we were such egoists; so self-engrossed; so wrapped up in ourselves that we hadn't a corner in our hearts for anybody else. Do you know;\" he cried; naive and hearty; and dreadfully like another side of
that old self again; \"I began studying a Mind System when I was in Russia; and I found that we were not peculiar at all. It's quite a well-known form of . . . \"
She had gone. He sat there; thunder-struck; astounded beyond words. . . . And then he asked the waitress for his bill. \"But the cream has not been touched;\" he said. \"Please do not charge me for it.\" Page 239 他说这话时;她抬起了头;好像饮了琼浆一样；那只怪兽开始在她的心中咕哝..…… “我感到你比世上任何人都要孤独..“他继续道;”然而;或许你是世界上唯一真正实实在在活着的人..“
啊;上帝她究竟做了些什么她怎么能敢如此地抛弃她的幸福呢这是唯
一一个曾经真正了解她的人..是不是太迟了 该不该太迟了呢 “事实上你从来不与人交朋友..我知道这个事实是因为我也是如此..我们俩现在是不是一样 “
“是的..“她喘了口气..”完全一样..我还是和以往一样的孤独..“ “我也是如此..他轻轻地笑道：“完全一样..”
猛然间;他迅速地把手套递给了她;将椅子蹭了一下地板..“但是;一直令我迷惑不解的事情现在我完全明白了..问题在于我们俩人过于自我主义;过于以自我为中心;封闭在自我天地之中而在彼此的心中无法给对方留一席之地..你知道吗 “他放开声;天真地嚎啕痛哭起来..她已经离开了那儿..他坐在那里;像遭雷击一般;惊讶得说不出话来……
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